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I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency:

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sure, I’ll be grounded for saying that, but so what? It’s nothing compared to your problems. Maybe it’s something psychological. You’re always making silly jokes about “adulting” whenever you manage to do your laundry or send an email. It’s sad. Are the realities of aging so bleak that you still need Batman to be a character that’s aimed at you? It’s like you’re hopelessly trapped in the mindset of a kid, and you can’t even consider growing up and putting the obsessions of your childhood to rest, no matter how formative or scarring they were—

Oh, wait, I understand. Maybe you need Batman more than I do.

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