It is creepy how close this is to reality.

Your School District’s Reopening Survey – McSweeney’s Internet Tendency:

Rest assured that no matter how you respond, it won’t matter whatsoever. We’ll come up with a plan in consultation with an anonymous team of stakeholders, three renowned local astrologists, a haphazard compendium of tweets, and a seance that will be held over Zoom (please find the login and password on page 576 of the town bylaws). We will also hold a listening session in ten minutes, if anyone’s around. Expect a link to be emailed shortly; please check your spam.

We welcome your feedback! Stay well!

— Your School District